Take the quiz to see if you're an original Twitter user
I swear, far too many people's Twitter profiles look exactly the same.
For each of the following questions, answer YES or NO.
- YES = +1 point
- NO = +0 points
- Do you use downright idiotic phrases/hooks like "10x your productivity"? Phrases like "supercharge your productivity" and "improve your productivity" are okay, but "10x your productivity" implies that your readers can get their work done in 1 hour per day.
- Do you have a beehiiv.com newsletter?[1]
- Do you mention the word "value" at least 3 times/week?
- Do you promote your newsletter in every single tweet/thread you post?[2]
- Do you leave whitespace between every single sentence you type? [3]
- Do you write threads on ChatGPT?
- Do you randomly post one-liner tweets that could be mass-generated by ChatGPT and that provide no actual "value" to your followers?
- Do you hate Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Scoring
- 8 points: You are very similar to HAL 9000, except you’re less intelligent and more sadistic. You also hate Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is indicative of larger life problems.
- 5-7 points: You should get better hobbies. You have better things to do with your life.
- 3-4 points: You should probably spend less time on Twitter, but you’re doing alright.
- 0-2 points: You are a certifiably original human being. Congratulations!
Not Satire
I wrote this article a long time ago[4]. That was over two years ago[5]. I'm glad I got off Twitter, because it was just not a good time. I'm hopeful that things have improved, although I should be realistic. It's very likely that things have gotten worse with the insane progression of AI.
This is the new "hot" newsletter platform. Apparently all the cool kids are on beehiiv. ↩︎
Remember: if someone sees your newsletter 42 times, they are legally obligated to subscribe. ↩︎
Paragraphs are SOOOO old school am I right??? ↩︎
I admit it is not very funny. ↩︎
I'm writing this paragraph in April 2025. ↩︎